Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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