it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
