I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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