My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
