im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
