I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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