if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's get the cat blown out
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
