I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
