So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
