its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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