Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
