I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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