Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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