OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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