You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
