I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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