this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
