Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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