Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
