Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
