did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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