Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
