what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
