dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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