my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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