He uses pillows to masturbate.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
