Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
