P.S. I can't hear my feet
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
