I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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