I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
