Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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