Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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