I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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