the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
