I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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