I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
