it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You took a bar mat shot.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
