I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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