She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
