I wish I only lived at night.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
