While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
They have beer where we have blood.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
