no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
