We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
