Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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