he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
