Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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