Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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