God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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