I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
