They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
