It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
