i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize