I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
did i walk over a car last night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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