So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
is this the sara with the beer cane?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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