I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
