so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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