I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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