not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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