highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was CRYING into my vagina
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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