i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
