I will die if light touches me.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
