Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is the high leading the old right now
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
