I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
