You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
