I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize