Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
