Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
