from now on my penis is your penis
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
