so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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