Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize